It’s that time again

I left feeling better on my way out than on my way in. I’ve got a lot on my mind. There’s always a list of things I want to talk about and we always get through them in such a logical clean and thoughtful way. I always leave feeling like I got what I needed. I was listened to, understood, and made to feel comfortable with our decision. Did you notice: I said OUR decision.

We both logically arrived at the decision to stop my meds. It’s a massive step for me as it says that there is nothing left to save me. There is nothing else I can think about that is helping me. There’s nothing left to say there’s a chance. It’s a realization that this fight can no longer be staved off by any medical intervention. I’m left without medical defences. But it’s not over.

I’ve been here before and it’s a scary decision.

We arrived at the decision after about a forty minute conversation about a bunch of seemingly unconnected discussions. Like football (soccer), yoga, brain scans, books, and my current personal non-MS related health issues. Somewhere in that conversation it came out that my MS is getting worse. It’s funny how that surfaced somewhere in that conversation. It was a realization that she picked up on and at the end so did I. The meds are no longer effective.

I’ve been coming here for 18 years and it’s become a familiar and enjoyable endeavour. How can that be? How can my semi-annual neurologist appointments be an enjoyable endeavour when we are discussing staving off my inevitable impending demise (if I’m anything I’m pragmatic).

It has to do with responsible intelligent positivity. I’m a glass half full person and so that helps in this journey. But she is too. She was responsible for me taking up yoga. I’ve taken care of the physical concerns like muscles, ligaments, flexibility, strength, and general health. She said; you’re about to turn seventy and most other non-MS seventy year olds have caught up to you (paraphrased). You took care of yourself you fought your way to this point. You’ve done the best you can do.

You could call it a placebo effect where if you beleive it’s working then it is. Positivity by nature is easier than changing from a class half empty person. You have to change how you look at that glass it’s something I’m not familiar with. Because I’ve always looked at that same glass and come up with that half full opinion. So it’s relatively easy for me.

And when you think about it – it is really just an opinion – mine.

It can be yours too.

Highly trained athletes manifest an outcome – they see it before it happens. That enables and aids in the desired outcome. It’s a positive opinion of what is going to happen – it has an impact.

It’s had an impact on my 28 year MS journey. It’s been long and difficult but not without surprises, enjoyment, successes, and love. Learning yoga encompassed all those elements but it was not confined to just yoga. It was life. A teacher once said to me yoga is life.

It’s not just a physical journey it’s a metaphor for what can be. Move forward, take that first step. That is the barrier. The barrier is yours and yours alone. You can change and remove that barrier by just one step – just start. It doesn’t matter how small. Just take that first step and manifest whatever outcome you desire – it enables and provides for a more rewarding journey.

So starting tomorrow night, Saturday, I will no longer inject the medication that is no longer working. There is a positive to that as I will no longer feel like crap on Sunday and I’ll have an extra day when I can do something positive. There is no negative that’s within my control.

May is Multiple Sclerosis awareness month in Canada. It’s a time to highlight this terrible disease that affects approximately 2.9 million people worldwide.

If it’s within your capabilities; donate, volunteer, or even just send your positive vibes. It all counts.

Ahimsa