Big nose breathes in the ocean

And this morning that big nose of mine became even bigger as I breathed with the ocean.

Last week I only got on my mat once. That was a week ago today. We had visitors last week one of which was my two year old grandson. I’d rather spend time with him than my mat.

So when I got on my mat this morning I thought I would be rusty and not last too long. It doesn’t take long for me to get rusty these days. It’s one of the reasons I try to get on it as often as I can – gotta keep that rust away.

But I was wrong. This morning was one of the longest practices I’ve had in a long time. It was because of my breathing. I noticed something right off the bat this morning in that very first sun salutation – my breath. I sounded way different – it resonated deeper, longer, and felt like a pathway to another dimension. As if I was hearing it inside my head and body as opposed to hearing it from my ears.

I live one block and one cemetery away from the ocean. I’m not close enough to hear the waves but that is what my breath sounded like this morning – like calm ocean waves. It’s never sounded like ocean waves before. The transition from the inhale to the exhale was exquisite like ocean waves. It felt like something was being channeled through me. It felt so smooth.

But it made practice almost not there as if my breath was allowing me to move without effort – it was even dreamy. As if I was not even there; maybe in some other galaxy. Maybe on a planet with less gravity than earth. It was easy – it’s never easy.

Maybe it’s because this morning I started with conviction and audacity. The house is empty other than me for the next week and I felt like I could belt out the invocation. I said AUM and the invocation in a much louder, deeper, more authoritative voice. I don’t have to be quiet because I’m the only one here. It kicked off an amazing hour and twenty minute practice.

My finishing mantras even surfed on and weaved in and out of those ocean waves; which left me in a state of complete calm. I didn’t know what to do with myself so I just stayed there in Padmasana (full lotus), folded over, with my head on the mat – completely relaxed. I didn’t want to get up, I didn’t have to get up, so I just stayed.

Practice often takes me away and I love that I can still accomplish a state of mind that brings me to that place. It’s even more gratifying that I as a person with MS can experience that. I have stuff to forget, stuff to be released. But it’s never been a requirement. It just happens to me in a way that I sometimes feel – it’s almost another life – one without MS. It’s a very welcomed intrusion into my MS and yoga experience.

This one particular practice I can compare it to a song. Is there a better song than Joni Mitchell’s Both Sides Now. It’s not an objective question it can only be answered subjectivity. It’s my opinion but I listen to it rarely. It always brings a tear to my eyes. It’s such a beautiful piece of art that envelops me deeply every single time. But I don’t want to ruin it by listing to it too many times. Like I have done with so many other songs.

It’s like this last practice. I have to admit if this happened to me every time I’d start to get tired of it – just like a song. So I’m thinking I’ll take what just happened and hope some day down the road it happens again. But I don’t want it to happen every time and I don’t want to chase after it either. I just want to keep at it not knowing what’s going to happen next.

Ahimsa