Brace for it

In the photo above I’m doing Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana (Extended Hand Big Toe Posture). I haven’t done it this way for a long time. I had modified it and instead of holding my big toe I held just below my bent knee. I don’t have to reach as far and the lower half of my leg just hangs down. It’s much easier to do it that way and puts less pressure or strain on the opposite knee. The knee that’s holding me steady in this asana.

Over a year ago my right knee started to noticeably hyperextend (bend backwards looking like a bow or that bracket=>). Walking and MS have a very connected journey. As MS gets worse so does my ability to walk. My first thoughts were that this is not due to MS. It felt mechanical in nature and in some way different. However I’m told it is a relatively common issue for MS’ers.

I knew something was changing when I walked but I could not pin it down or understand what exactly was happening. My gate was getting wider as my right leg would take a much wider outside step as I walked. I was compensating for balance and my hyperextending right knee.

When I’m walking and if it hyperextends too far; it sometimes snaps back and causes me to lose my balance – sometimes I have fallen. It happens very quickly like an electrical shock. I could not or would not do the above asana that way without the knee brace. I was scared that my knee would either break backwards (a scary thought) or jerk forward and I’d fall. Either way I was concerned I’d do some damage to myself. The brace prevents the hyperextension.

My neurologist noticed the hyperextension when I did my last walk test. She referred me to a physical medicine doctor. I was wired up and tested with some electrical impulses. This doctor also did various tests on my blood and urine (to eliminate other possibilities). I was then referred to a certified prosthetist, orthotist where I was fitted and tested different kinds of braces / devices to prevent my knee from hyperextending. I settled on one similar to the one I was testing in the photo above. I now use it in the standing asanas part of my practice as well as when I walk.

If you look a little closer at the above photo it is obvious I’m wearing a knee brace. But what’s not so obvious are my purple feet. These are signs and I have others that signal I have moved from Relapsing Remitting MS to Secondary Progressive MS. And as I think back I believe that change has been occurring for several years. It is something that’s hard to detect and I was reluctant to acknowledge.

It does not change anything about how I move forward it’s just a reminder that I’m like everyone in this MS trajectory. I deal with what happens and make choices on how to proceed. I’m pragmatic, realistic, and optimistic all at the same time.

I live in this universe,
just beyond the fringe,
somewhere in between,
the twixt
and the
twain.

Just like everybody else.

Ahimsa

Note: I set my camera to take a photo at three second intervals and placed it on a tripod in front of my mat. It snapped away in silent mode and took hundreds of photos throughout my entire practice. Out of all those photos I found the one above that looks like I know what I’m doing – ha.