If I’m sixty six then this must be Wednesday.

I saw my dad naked when he was around 66 years old, the same age I am now. I could not see an ounce of fat. His ass was perfect; not a wrinkle, it looked supple, somewhat round, and I thought to myself my ass does not even come close and I was in my early forties at that time. I thought maybe there’s hope for me yet. Yea I know who compares asses and to be honest I don’t even have an ass, just legs. My daughters and even granddaughter comment on my lack of ass all the time – it’s a tough environment that I live in – ha. My dad was always into being physically fit and worked out most days, ran many many marathons, and ate purposely. MS prevents me from doing all the stuff my dad could, but I can and do practice yoga.

There’s been a slow realization that I’m physically old and that is revealing itself in practice. Combine that with Multiple Sclerosis and lately a general attitude towards why should I care…… I could just enjoy my life eating my favourite foods, drinking creamed sugared coffee, boozing it up at my local, just enjoying the years that are left riding off into the sunset – ha. That may sound like fun but it’s not for me. Although, riding into the sunset does sound enjoyable – just another cowboy fantasy.

The ageing process is complicated by MS and it’s difficult to figure out what is what. Is the pain in my back because of age or MS or both or something else. The “is it MS” question has been there from the very beginning. It is a constant and continuing question whenever anything is going wrong with my body, with how I feel, or what’s hurting.

To discuss ageing is not something any of us look forward to as we have absolutely no control over it and at this point in my life I don’t get physically better as I age. The best thing I can do is just accept and figure out how to get through what’s happening. And what is happening is complicated by MS. The inevitable question when something is going wrong with my body is “is this MS”? Or a worse response is “it must be MS” and not doing anything at all. I find I get more medical tests to rule stuff out rather than determine what’s happening. If you rule everything out then it’s MS – maybe. Recently my neurologist scheduled an MRI on my back to make sure it is not something else.

The good thing about age, if there is such a thing, is who I am becoming. I’m still learning and I have changed significantly from my earlier years. I assume we all do and the saying “if I knew then what I know now” is most definitely true for me. I would have done lots of things differently and I do have regrets about what I did, or how I reacted, or the uninformed life decisions I made etc. etc. I wish I was more connected to the universe back then. And I know that statement will make some people’s eyes roll but it’s the only way I can express it even though it sounds flighty and vague.

Yoga has helped me hone in on that universal viewpoint and provided an avenue for expression; this blog is a small example. My life since yoga and all that surrounds that has had an impact about how I process and deal with life’s events and the regret of that is, it did not happen sooner.

As I age with Multiple Sclerosis I’m committed to continue practice no mater what form that may take. At this moment in time I’m comfortable doing half primary with occasional excursions into full primary. I’m an optimistic person and will always try to improve. I have every confidence to get back to a committed consistent full primary, with occasional excursions into second series. But I must and will listen to what my body is telling me – I don’t have a choice.

My practice will evolve empathetically –
Wouldn’t it be nice if MS did the same.

Be safe